Thursday, March 23, 2006
my grandpa...my great grandpa who almost made it to 90 years on this earth....deticating 65 years to be with my gorgeous great grandma...who i can only remember in little glimpses...is waiting to die.i hate that i cant be there. i cant be there for my mom who is struggling with everything. i cant be there to say good bye to him or anyone else. its not fair that i dont get to say goodbye. it fucking sucks that i havent seen him since i was like 5. i hate it so much. i do. because its not fair. he came from holland you know? thats really cool.
ugh. he cant DIE. he cant be gone. he cant leave. because if he leaves then everyone else might start leaving and i dont get to say goodbye to my family. i dont get to and it sucks so much. i may have not seen them in a long time and i can barely remember them...and that sucks...i should know them. its so fucked up. its so fucked up. if something were to happen to mom. or to graham. and the last time i saw them...i was still so little i dont know what i wil do. i would probably shrink and never want to live my life because its not fair. i hate it. its not logical that someone cant even go see their grandpa to say goodbye just because your mom and dad had a fucked up divorce and now they dont want to deal with anything. mom means well...but dad sees through her sometimes and i hate that because i think that she has good in her...she just doesnt make the greatest choices and shes stuck to live through that but why should i? my brother is 19 almost. i dont get to see him. i dont get to see him walk at graduation. i dont get to see how well he really has done and it sucks so bad.i hate it.
grandpa vandergang cant leave. hes one of the few things i remember about that life. and he cant leave or else i will have less and less to hold onto.
fuck.
brittany @ 10:46 AM
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Blog Owner: brittany
Gender: female
Date of Birth: june 30 1990
Like: myself, California, , pooka dots, my door, ryan from the bus, rice krispy treats, kool-aid, rain,play-dough, soap, shopping, music, movies, other stuff
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